


Rentaghost

by Shirazkindofgirl



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, Demons, F/F, Ghosts, Ghouls, Holby Halloween Monster Mash 2018, Rentaghost - Freeform, berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 15:35:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16478234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirazkindofgirl/pseuds/Shirazkindofgirl
Summary: Serena Campbell's soon-to-be ex-husband won't leave the house they share.  After a spooky encounter, Serena hires a ghost to scare him out, but is there more to Edward Campbell than meets the eye?





	Rentaghost

**Author's Note:**

> This idea popped into my head recently and just wouldn't leave. Rentaghost was a children's TV show in the 1970s and 1980s. I loved it. (Yes, I am that old!) For those younger members of the Berena fandom, there are some episodes on Youtube.  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLtiTaDSz6AWIaqthrcu5k9gxBfF0CLLqT

Serena had asked nicely, she’d begged, she’d threatened, she’d tried bribery, she’d even thrown some of his possessions out of the bedroom window, but Edward would not move out. The marriage was over. His philandering ways had seen to that, but he just would not leave. Serena was at her wit’s end.

Work had been her only solace. However, today her job was making her life as difficult as her (hopefully) soon-to-be ex-husband. A mix up with paperwork concerning a deceased patient meant Serena had needed to visit the mortuary. It was as she exited the department that she noticed a flyer attached to a notice board.

“If your mansion house needs haunting, just call Rentaghost.  
We’ve got spooks and ghouls and ghosts and fools at Rentaghost.”

The flyer seemed to shimmer and a phone number appeared at the bottom. Serena blinked and looked around slowly. Was this what she had come to? Hallucinations brought on by the stress of dealing with Edward’s shenanigans. The flyer detached itself from the notice board and hovered in front of Serena’s face. She slowly backed away, before turning around and racing down the corridor. Slamming the door behind her, Serena heard the flyer flap uselessly against the wood. Thank goodness it was the end of her shift. A large glass of Shiraz was in order.

Opening her bag to grab some cash to pay for her drink, Serena heard a rustling. She looked inside her bag and pulled out a piece of paper. It was the Rentaghost flyer. Serena’s eyes widened and she drank half the contents of her glass down in one. Taking a quick breath, she drained the glass in a second gulp, screwed up the flyer and left it on the bar at Albie’s before making her way home.

Edward’s car was parked on the drive and Serena rolled her eyes. Of course, it was too much to hope Edward might have decided to spend the night with one of his many conquests. All she wanted was a quiet evening alone. She opened the door and made her way up to her bedroom. Switching on the light, Serena noticed a balled up piece of paper on her bedside table. She was sure the paper hadn’t been there that morning. Serena had a feeling she knew what she would find when she smoothed out the paper. Her hand trembled slightly as she was proved right. Well, if these Rentaghost people were this determined to speak to her, she might as well give them a call in the morning.

The next morning as she waited for her coffee to cool slightly, Serena dialled the number on the flyer. It rang three times and Serena was instructed to leave a message.

“Hello? My name is Serena Campbell, I found your flyer... or maybe your flyer found me, I’m not sure. Anyway, I don’t know why I’m calling, this is silly.” 

Serena disconnected the call and drank her coffee. On the work surface, the flyer shimmered and an address appeared. 

“We can help you. Come before work.”

“This has to be sort of elaborate joke. Did Edward plan this?” Serena whispered.

“Your potato of a soon-to-be ex-husband? Ha! He doesn’t have the brains for it. Come and see us. Come now!” 

The writing faded and completely disappeared, leaving only the address behind.

Serena picked up the flyer and slipped it into her coat pocket. She’d get to the bottom of this, if it was Edward or an F1 playing jokes, heads would roll.

Serena double checked the address. She was at the right place. The doorway was small and dingy, she pushed the button on the grimy intercom and waited. The door clicked open and wondering if she was making the second biggest mistake of her life, the first being marrying Edward, Serena stepped inside. The door clanged shut behind her and a faint light illuminated a set of stairs. Each step seemed to creak louder than the last as Serena ascended. 

Pausing at the top to catch her breath, Serena looked around. The hallway was dimly light, apart from a door at the end which seemed to glow as she approached. The door swung open and Serena stepped inside, readying herself to yell at whoever had gone to such great lengths to play a joke at her expense. The room to which she had entered resembled an old fashioned office space, similar to one Serena might have seen in an old film noir. She half expected a 1940’s style private detective to appear from the back room. The little old lady who did appear was the complete opposite of what Serena had been expecting. 

Removing a brown paper file from the rickety filing cabinet, the old lady sat down behind the desk and regarded Serena for a few moments. Serena shivered, it felt as if the woman was looking into her soul. Serena shifted uncomfortably and the woman smiled at her. She opened the file and withdrew a photograph of Edward, she placed it on the desk in front of her. This picture was quickly followed by a photograph of the outside of Serena’s home and a list of Edward’s most recent transgressions.

Serena frowned, “Have you been stalking me?”

“Oh my dear, we don’t need to do that. We know all about you. Marjorie asked us to keep an eye on you.” The woman smiled in what she must have thought was a reassuring way. Serena thought it just looked creepy. 

“I don’t know anyone named Marjorie.” Serena replied.

“Hmmm, well she knows you.” The woman responded. “Now, you seem to have a problem with Edward’s continued presence in your home, is that right?

Serena nodded. “I’ve asked him to leave and he won’t.”

“We can help you. A simple haunting is all that’s required. I’ll send one of our newer ghosts over. Lord knows she could use the experience.” The woman rolled her eyes before peering up at Serena through the glasses perched on the end of her nose. “You can expect the first visit this evening.” 

With that, the woman made a sweeping gesture with her arm and Serena felt herself sway on her feet. She closed her eyes against the wave of nausea and when she opened them again, Serena found herself sitting in her car in her usual spot in the Holby City Hospital car park.

Had it all been a dream? Did she need to book a psych consult? Serena wasn’t sure what was going on. Coffee, strong and hot and a medicinal pastry, that’s what she needed, she thought as she made her way into the hospital.

The day passed smoothly and Serena could almost convince herself that she had imagined the whole episode from earlier, until she opened her front door that evening to be greeted by the smell of cigarette smoke. If Edward had brought home one of his cheap floozies, Serena wouldn’t be responsible for her actions. 

Storming into the lounge, Serena expected to see someone sitting on her sofa. However, the room was empty. Turning around, she marched along the hall and into the kitchen. There, with the patio door open and blowing smoke into the garden, stood the most attractive woman Serena had ever seen. Edward had picked a good one this time. Serena cleared her throat and the blonde woman turned around and smiled.

“Oh!” Serena exclaimed. This wasn’t one of Edward’s floozies, not unless he’d added necrophilia to his proclivities. The fading sunlight illuminated the woman’s features as it shone through her.

“You must be Serena.” The woman held out her hand. “I’m Bernie.”

Serena raised her hand and was surprised to feel the lightest of touches against her palm. She couldn’t help the shiver that ran down her spine.

“Wow! I can feel you.” Serena blurted. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” Serena could feel her cheeks begin to flame with embarrassment.

Bernie looked thoughtful for a moment, “Touch perception only works on a small percentage of people. You must be a very special lady, Serena Campbell.”

Bernie took a final drag on her cigarette and Serena watched as the butt disappeared.

“Erm, could I ask you not to smoke in the house?”

“Oh, sorry. I really should give up, not that it’s going to kill me, or anything...” Bernie wrung her hands nervously.

Serena took pity on her, “It’s fine.”

Sensing the moment was right, Bernie asked Serena to tell her about Edward.

The pair talked for what felt like hours and it wasn’t until the front door slammed, announcing Edward’s arrival that Serena realised it had grown dark outside. As Edward entered the kitchen, Serena looked around nervously, Bernie had vanished.

After dinner, Serena excused herself and went to her bedroom. She wondered when she would see Bernie again. What if she didn’t come back? In a few short hours, Serena realised she had grown to like the woman she had affectionately nicknamed “Casper” after the movie Elinor had liked as a child. 

Slipping into her en-suite, Serena removed her makeup and readied herself for bed. Her thoughts were running around her head. How on earth was Bernie going to scare Edward enough that he decided to leave the house permanently? Serena opened the en-suite door and yelped when she noticed Bernie perched on her bed. 

Bernie jumped, “You scared me!” She complained. 

“Pot, kettle, darling.” Serena muttered as she climbed under the duvet and turned to look at Bernie. “Are you staying or do you just ...?” Serena waved her hand. “Where do ghosts sleep? Do you sleep?”

“Essentially, I live an afterlife the same as the living do, bills to pay, etc. That’s why I took this job.” 

Serena settled down and reached to switch the bedside lamp off. “You can stay if you want to. I feel safe with you here.” Serena was asleep within minutes.

Bernie stayed beside her all night. It was the best night’s sleep Serena had had in a long time and it was the first night Bernie had slept for more than two hours since her death.

The next morning, Edward walked into the kitchen and straight through Bernie. 

“Serena, your cleaning skills leave much to be desired. I’ve just walked through a cobweb!”

Serena looked horrified, Bernie looked embarrassed and disappeared immediately. Serena found her in the bedroom a few minutes later. 

“I am so sorry. How dare he compare you to a cobweb, you don’t feel anything like one!” Serena ran a soothing hand down Bernie’s arm, she felt colder than she had last night.

“It’s okay. I’ve heard worse. I’m...” 

Bernie raised her eyes to the ceiling, “I’m not very good at haunting. I’m on my final warning. If I mess this up ...”

“Bernie, you aren’t going to mess this up. I’ll help you. We’ll get rid of Edward together.”

Serena held out her hand and Bernie clasped it gratefully.

“What does happen if you mess up?” Serena asked.

“I’m damned to hell for eternity.” Bernie whispered, tears glistened in her eyes. 

Serena squeezed Bernie’s hand, “Well, we’re not going to let that happen. We’ll just have to up your haunting game.” Serena grinned and Bernie smiled gently in response.

The next thing Bernie tried was dropping her eyeballs into Edward’s coffee. They bobbed to the surface and looked directly at Edward. Serena wasn’t sure whether to vomit or laugh. Edward sipped his drink, proclaimed that it didn’t taste right and moved to tip the drink down the sink.

“No!” Serena yelled. She lunged for the mug and took it out of his hands. “I’ll make you a fresh cup. Perhaps the milk is off.” 

Serena waited for Bernie to retrieve her eyes before tipping the unwanted drink down the sink and rinsing the mug. She flipped the switch on the kettle and made a fresh cup of coffee for Edward.

Over the weeks that followed Bernie tried all sorts of tricks to make Edward leave, from hanging from the ceiling, pulling her guts out and spreading them over the bathroom when Edward was in the shower, she even resorted to the old fashioned “covering herself with a sheet” trick. She tried scaring him with haunting screams and wailing, but nothing worked. Through all the weeks, Serena found herself becoming more and more attracted to the hapless ghost.

“Nothing is working.” Bernie said despondently, one evening after a particularly spectacular flame throwing trick had resulted in her setting her sleeve on fire. 

Serena patted her shoulder, gently. “Isn’t there some sort of handbook for haunting houses, or something?” Serena queried.

Bernie turned to regard her, a look of horror on her face. “Oh my goodness, why didn’t I think of that. Serena you’re a genius.”

Bernie took Serena’s face between her cool palms and kissed her gently before disappearing abruptly.

Serena blinked slowly. “I didn’t think kissing me was bad enough for you to disappear.” She whispered.

Twenty long minutes later, Bernie reappeared in Serena’s bedroom. In her hands she held a book.

“Handbook for the recently departed.” Serena read the title. “I was kidding when I asked if there was a ‘How To’ book.”

Bernie flipped through the pages, “I haven’t really looked at this book. It was given to me when I first passed over. There might be a way of transporting Edward to another realm.”

“Couldn’t you just take him to your realm and leave him there?” Serena asked.

“Usually, it’s a one in and one out kind of thing. I’d have to bring someone or something back if I did that.” Bernie looked thoughtful and then snapped the book closed.

“What are you thinking?” Serena asked.

“The divide between the realms is thinnest on Hallowe’en. If we do this, we’ll have to do it tonight. I have something in mind to bring back with me. If you’re truly serious about getting rid of Edward forever, it has to be tonight.”

“Let’s do it.” Serena nodded decisively. “Is there anything I need to do?”

“It could get nasty. It would be best if you were out of the house. You’ll know when it’s done.” With that Bernie disappeared.

Instead of going home straight after work, as she had been doing in recent weeks, Serena went to Albie’s that evening. It was nice to catch up with the friends she had been distancing herself from, but try as she might, Serena could not stop worrying about Bernie.

Edward flicked the lights on and entered the living room. He poured himself a glass of Whiskey and turned to face Bernie. “I’d have thought after all these weeks you’d have given up. You’re no match for me.”

“You may be able to fool Serena, but I know what you are and I’m going to send you back where you belong.” Bernie replied.

Edward’s human exterior melted away and in his place stood a horned demon, the smell of death surrounded him and Bernie tried not to breathe too deeply.

The demon laughed and advanced towards Bernie, “You’ll never take me. You’re far too weak, ghost.”

The demon tried to take another step forward. It was then that he realised he was caught in a binding field. He looked down and saw the circle of salt glowing on the carpet.

“Not so terrifying now, are you?” Bernie smiled. With a whisper of an incantation the demon disappeared, leaving behind a scorch mark on the carpet and a small black cat in his place. 

The cat chirruped as it approached Bernie. She bent down and picked it up. 

“Charlotte. I’ve missed you.” Bernie sighed as the cat nuzzled her cheek and began to purr loudly.

At that moment the front door slammed open and Serena raced into the room. The cat jumped down from Bernie’s arms and sniffed Serena before she looked pointedly at Bernie. She twitched her tail until it almost resembled a question mark.

“I’ll explain later.” Bernie said.

She turned to Serena, “Edward is gone, never to return.” Pointing at the carpet, she added, “I’m sorry about the burn.”

Serena enveloped Bernie in a tight hug. 

“Forget about the bloody carpet.” She said before pulling Bernie closer and kissing her deeply.

Sometime later, Serena pulled herself out of Bernie’s embrace and sat up on the sofa.

“I suppose I need to speak to the office about payment for your services.” Serena sighed. The job was completed, Edward was gone and Serena’s time with Bernie was drawing to a close. She couldn’t help but feel a little downhearted. She enjoyed Bernie’s company, the house was going to feel empty without her presence.

Bernie looked up at Serena through her fringe. “I’ve been meaning to speak to you about that. There is another way, I can stay if ... I mean I wouldn’t want to assume... I like you, no, God, I more than like you, Serena. I know this isn’t a conventional relationship, but I can stay forever if you’re willing to make a commitment.”

Serena stroked Bernie’s cheek, was it her imagination or did Bernie feel a little more solid to the touch? “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you here with me.” Serena smiled, “I more than like you, too.”

“Serena are you sure? It’s a lifetime commitment, an after-lifetime commitment.” Bernie didn’t dare hope that Serena meant what she was saying.

“For eternity?” Serena whispered.

Bernie nodded, “For eternity.”

This time when they kissed, Serena was absolutely convinced Bernie’s lips felt just a little bit warmer.


End file.
